The Purpose
by nicdvidmaker
Summary: Joss's shooting was just the beginning of the pain she had to endure. Her physical healing would be the easiest part.
1. Chapter 1

Her Beginning

"Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one's life for one's friends." – John 15:13

* * *

><p>The pain in Joss's chest was unfathomable. She had never felt such pain before. The pain she encountered when she was wounded by the bomb in Fallujah, the pain she experienced giving birth to her son Taylor, they were horrible. This pain; this was different. She felt the warm liquid flowing from her core and her breathing was becoming more and more labored. She was growing cold and felt the coolness of the concrete on which she landed so hard after Simmons' bullet ripped into her chest. She felt John crawl beneath her trying to prop her up. He could only do so much because he was losing blood from the two bullet wounds he had suffered himself.<p>

When Joss hit the pavement, she immediately thought of her son. Taylor. Her pride and joy. She knew she was mortally wounded and that she wasn't going to make it. She struggled to take a breath and began to panic. The pain was getting worse and she winced at its effects. All she could do was rest on his chest in his arms. She couldn't move. Everything happened so fast, but even then she was fighting.

"I need to see my boy," she struggled. "I...I need to tell him…" It was as though she was searching for him as she was speaking. Her head went right then left, her eyes desperately seeking, as if she could get one last glimpse of him.

Joss was having trouble catching her breath. Her dark eyes were wide with fright and tears were flowing from them. Not because of her impending death, but because she realized after making that statement, she would not have a chance to see Taylor again. The emotional pain of knowing that almost equaled the physical pain in her chest.

She heard John trying to reassure her. "And you will, you will. Just stay with me."

She felt she only had seconds to make sure John would look in on Taylor. She made him promise her that he would. John reassured her that Taylor already knew that she fiercely loved him and that she didn't want to leave him. It helped to comfort her.

Joss began to blink her eyes. She was losing her sight. Death was beginning to overtake her and as much as she fought, this was a battle she would not win. This was happening too fast. She still had so much to say to her son, her mother, her family… and John. There was so much left unsaid between them.

_"So this is death. This is how it feels. This is how I'm going out,_" she thought.

She had to tell John something. She had to get it out before it was too late.

"John," she whispered. "Don't let this..." she tried. She fought to get the last words out. Joss's eyes went completely dark and she could no longer see. She closed her eyes and felt John's hand under her chin and slowly bowed her head.

She was gone. So quickly. It was as if she had fallen asleep. She didn't have a chance to finish her statement to remind him not to let her death change him, to not let this stop him from his mission of saving lives. Death was cruel. Death was cold. Death cheated her.

* * *

><p>Joss felt light as she got up from the concrete and left John's vice grip. It was a surreal feeling and she never felt this way before. She noticed the pain in her chest was gone and she was able to breathe without any discomfort. She inhaled deeply. It felt so good to be able to breathe freely. She looked around and saw Finch standing in the middle of the street with a look of shock and disbelief on his face. A light smile graced her face but it quickly fell. She wondered what he was looking at. She followed his gazed and turned around. Joss looked down and saw John crying uncontrollably while holding onto her lifeless body.<p>

_"What the hell is going on?"_

She stood there in disbelief, but then she remembered. Officer Simmons had stepped out of the shadows and pointed his gun at her and John. She pulled out her side arm, but she wasn't fast enough.

"No, not today!" she had yelled.

She had tried to protect John by stepping in between him and Simmons. He had no gun to defend himself, and had been shot twice. Joss was determined to protect her friend, the man she had grown to care for so deeply.

She had decided to shield John the only way she knew how. She stepped in front of him and fired at Simmons. Her bullet had connected ripping a hole in his left shoulder. But as he was shooting, a lone bullet tore through the center of her chest.

She remembered. She stood over her body and watched John rock her in his arms. He wouldn't let her go. She witnessed him kissing her forehead, her hand and saw the tears racing down his face as his skin turned red in despair. She heard his muffled cries against her face. She saw his deep anguish and wanted to comfort him, but she couldn't.

The pay phone finally stopped its incessant ringing.

In the distance, she heard sirens piercing the new found silence. Joss saw Finch walk over to where John and she were laying on the sidewalk. Finch began telling John that they had to go; that the authorities would be there any moment.

* * *

><p>John raised his eyes to see Finch's watery eyes and trembling, outstretched hands. John shook his head no and looked back down at her lifeless body. He was not going to leave her like this. He refused to leave her alone. Harold desperately pleaded with John to let her go. He told John that they would go to his car and wait until help arrived before they left. At first John refused, but he reluctantly agreed with his employer.<p>

John gently moved from underneath Joss and gingerly laid her on the ground. Although she was gone, he in no way wanted to accidentally drop her. He handled and touched her with such reverence. He caressed her still warm cheek and wiped away the tears from her face. He ran his fingers through her hair and laid her straightened tresses on either side of her face. He gave her the gentlest kiss on the lips and lingered there for a few moments. He could only see her through a blur of tears.

His body felt heavy with grief and standing upright was a great effort for him. Harold then drew closer to John and helped him off the ground. They both limped toward Finch's sedan. John repeatedly looked over his shoulder at Joss's body. John was bleeding out and Finch refused to let another one of his friends die. He slowly settled John in the backseat. After getting behind the wheel and starting the car, John yelled at him.

"Don't leave her," John weakly cried.

John was surprised at how he sounded as he heard the panic and grief in his voice. Finch reassured him that he would not leave Joss; he only wanted to be prepared for a speedy departure once the paramedics arrived. Finch's heart was pounding and he was trying to focus on the task at hand. He would not lose John. He couldn't focus on the shock and grief welling up in him over his fallen comrade. He had to take care of his dear friend. He had to push back the feeling of guilt that was already beginning to insidiously creep into his thoughts.

While the car engine gently purred, Finch called Detective Fusco.

"Hey glasses, isn't it past your bedtime?" Fusco kidded.

Finch closed his eyes and said, "Detective, I have some terrible news," he tried to sound calm as his mouth felt like dry sand.

He couldn't fool the detective, though. Fusco sensed that Finch was shaken up and he fell silent. As Finch told him what just happened to his partner, Fusco's heart began pounding and he could hardly catch his breath. It felt like he had just been kicked in the gut. He was hoping that the birdman was making a joke, but deep down he knew better. Finch never would joked in such a way.

Fusco unceremoniously hung up on Finch. He immediately grabbed his coat and gave some officers a cryptic explanation of what happened and told them to follow him as he ran out of the precinct. With sirens screeching, the police were en route to her location. 


	2. Chapter 2

As Joss stood over her body she heard the sirens coming closer and knew they would be there for her at any moment. She saw the white and red ambulance make a right turn onto the street and slow as the driver spotted Finch's black town car sitting on the opposite side. It proceeded to the corner where Joss's body was lying. The driver followed his partner as they exited the ambulance and grabbed their equipment to hurry toward her. Unbeknownst to one of the EMTs, he ran through Joss's spirit to get to her body. She felt his warmth as he passed through her; she encompassed his entire being for the millisecond it took him to get to her body laying behind her. Her eyes widened as he moved through her, she had no time to move out of the way. It happened so quickly and she turned to follow him. Joss was still not sure what was going on – she saw herself lying on the ground but she hadn't made the connection that she was actually dead. She watched as one EMT checked for her pulse while the other checked to see if she was breathing. Finding her non-responsive, they began working on her immediately. Joss finally understood that she had died. But now what?

* * *

><p>Finch sighed unevenly as he looked at John in the rear view mirror and then past him, to see the EMTs frantically working on Joss. He was devastated as unshed tears blurred his vision. He put the car in gear, as he listened to John's quiet sobs in the backseat and pulled away from the scene.<p>

NYPD squad cars pulled onto the street shortly after Finch and John turned the corner. John could not contain his emotions and continued to weep as his employer drove to one of his safe houses nearby.

* * *

><p>Lionel's heart sank as he saw the ambulance and the EMTs working on Joss. It felt as if he had emptied his lungs and was unable to inhale. His eyes widened and began to water at the same time. To see his partner helpless, non-responsive lying in a pool of blood; hers comingling with John's; he found himself consciously fighting to breathe.<p>

"No God no," Fusco said under his breath over and over as he ran his hand through his hair.  
>He hurried to be closer to the EMTs and Joss.<p>

"Hey, hey, hey I'm her partner!" he exclaimed. "How's she doing?" he asked. He already knew the answer to that question and a cold chill ran up his spine. One of the EMTs merely looked up at him, shook his head in such a slight way that Fusco wondered if the man's head had moved at all. The EMT looked back at Joss and continued working on her.

Lionel watched as one of the EMTs put an occlusive dressing on Joss's wound to control the bleeding. He noticed that sirens were still screaming in the distance coming to her location. The EMTs pulled the stretcher out from the back and placed Joss on it. As one EMT hurriedly accompanied her stretcher, the other EMT slammed the door to the bus and rushed to get behind the wheel. Once again the ambulance's sirens screeched as it took off toward the nearest ER. Fusco rushed back to his car and followed the bus closely.

* * *

><p>Joss sat on the opposite side of the ambulance and watched the EMT checking the dressing on her wound, the bus rocking back and forth as it rushed through the streets. She looked down at herself lying on the gurney. She noticed how she appeared to be sleeping peacefully. She noticed how unaffected the EMT was as they travelled. Business as usual. Her spirit was calm. As trite as it seemed, it felt as though she was looking at someone else; as if she was watching a movie.<p>

The ambulance pulled into the ER entrance and the driver once again hurriedly opened the back doors as the wailing of another ambulance closely followed. Joss followed both EMTs as they pulled the gurney out of the back, her body clinging to its surface as they rushed through the glass doors of the emergency area. The driver had called in their ETA and handed Joss's lifeless body over to the ER surgeon and nurses that gathered around. One of the ER nurses began cutting her clothing off so they could see the full extent of her injuries. Joss's heather grey shirt had already been cut by the EMTs so they could apply the occlusion dressing, so the nurse only had to remove her electric blue bra that was drenched in dark red blood. She was cut out of her dark jeans and her panties as the gurney her body lay on was rushed to a waiting operation room.

* * *

><p>Joss became more aware of her being, her energy. She was now weightless, no longer tired and she was free of pain. She could sense she was not tied to the finite and her ability to move was effortless. She glided and no longer walked. She turned left and then right. It was so easy and she didn't realize how cumbersome legs, hands, feet and arms were. She felt as though her spirit was being pulled from what would be the top of her head. She felt electricity consume her as she followed the surgeon and nurses as they rushed her body to the operating room. There was discomfort, not physically but spiritually. She had a sense that she was not supposed to be here. For a brief moment she felt lost.<p>

* * *

><p>Finch called Megan Tillman and asked her to meet him and John at one of his safe houses. It actually was not a house at all, but a small apartment building he owned only a few miles from where Detective Carter had been gunned down. He explained to Dr. Tillman what had happened to John so she could bring the instruments and medications needed to care for him. Finch noticed that John had finally become quiet and closed his eyes. His employer called his name to make sure he had not passed out. John did not respond.<p>

"Mr. Reese," Finch called him louder with a bit of alarm in his voice.

"I hear you Finch," John grated out.

"I need you to stay conscious, John," Finch reminded him. "We aren't far from our destination," he tried to sound reassuring.

John merely bobbed his head, eyes still closed as he continued to bleed out.

* * *

><p>The outside of Finch's apartment building was unassuming and the landscape was well manicured. There were only six units that Finch converted to a private fortress of sorts. A password was needed to enter the building as well as each of the units. There were cameras in each unit so he could keep an eye on them to make sure there were no unexpected intruders. In one unit Finch had converted the living room into a small satellite office space with three monitors sat side by side, identical to the set up in the library. There was a window to the left of the computer, large, engulfing chairs in each corner of the room, a kitchen with all the necessary accoutrements, along with two bedrooms with one transformed into a makeshift hospital room. The other units had identical keypads for entry. They were small but quaint and fully furnished with state of the art appliances, laptops and bedroom furniture. He thought it would be a good hiding place if ever his team needed a safe haven. At least they all could be near each other and meet at a moment's notice. Each team member would have their own space, even Root. Finch knew that having Shaw, Root, Fusco, John and Carter all living in the same building was a far stretch and not the best idea; but the thought of having his team in close proximity in case of emergency seemed to give him some semblance of comfort. He would even consider disconnecting the cameras if any of the team members needed to use one of the units.<p>

Finch finally arrived at the building and parked the town car in one of the detached garages. He pulled John out of the car and both gingerly walked into the building and into Finch's apartment. He noticed how pale John had gotten and was sweating profusely. He texted Dr. Tillman to let her know that he and John had arrived and needed her there immediately. Finch then helped John out of his suit jacket, pants and shirt, all soaked with the combination of his and Joss's blood, and helped him onto the hospital bed. He was weak and his skin was ashen. Although Finch did not consider himself a religious man, he whispered a brief prayer asking God to save his friend.

* * *

><p>Joss felt herself being pulled upward once again and in an instant she was in what she could only define as another dimension. Everywhere around her was light, so bright, that she was surprised it didn't hurt her eyes. The peace she had begun to experience after the shooting remained with her. She saw figures in the distance that slowly moved toward her. Joss began searching the crowd and realized she recognized everyone walking in her direction and the love that emanated from them pulled her closer. The amazing thing about the love she felt was that it did not just come from her family and friends but it surrounded her. It was in her, above and beneath her, all at the same time.<p>

A form came from the group and stood directly in front of Joss.

"Hey Baby Girl," Joss's grandmother said using her nickname for her granddaughter.

"Grandma?" Joss answered in surprise.

She could not believe she was seeing her father's mother standing before her. She looked younger than Joss remembered. Lacie stepped closer to her granddaughter and her smile beamed from ear to ear. Joss raised her hand to touch her grandmother's face. Even though they were in spirit form, inexplicably they could still touch each other. Joss noticed that Lacie's wrinkles had disappeared, her posture was perfect and her smile was full and bright.

"Grandma, you look so beautiful," Joss stated, still touching Lacie's cheek.

"And, you have become such a beautiful and strong woman yourself, Jocelyn," she replied.

"I'm so proud of you Baby Girl," Lacie added.

At this point, Joss and her grandmother were in a full embrace. Joss closed her eyes briefly as they held each other still unable to fully comprehend what was happening or even where she was. She opened her eyes to see her friend, her fellow compatriot, Mary, who had died in Iraq in 2006 when their platoon encountered an IED. Joss had not fully gotten over the loss of her friend – she always wondered why she wasn't killed in that explosion but her friend was.

Joss inhaled as she released her grandmother.

"Mary?" she drew out.

Joss reached out and grabbed her friend's hands and they both squeezed.

Mary's blond, wavy locks fell and danced over her shoulders. She released Joss's hands and her face playfully grew serious as she gave Joss a salute.

"Lieutenant," Mary responded with a large smile.

Joss followed suit and put the same serious face on as she saluted "Sergeant Major."

Joss reached around and grabbed her shoulder with a chuckle.

"I see you made good Joss; attorney, detective. And, I know Taylor's grown up to be a beautiful young man."

Joss's eyebrows rose slightly. Her grin lowered a bit and that look of curiosity that was her trademark emerged.

Mary chuckled and moved to face Joss.

"I think I have an idea of what you're wondering," Mary said with a smirk.

Joss replied, "Well yeah…I mean…how do you know everything about my life since…well…"

"Since I've been dead for 8 years?" Mary continued, interrupting Joss's statement.

The look on Mary's face turned pensive.

"Joss, I can't explain how I know, how _we_ know, about our friends and loved ones who haven't transitioned yet. All I can say is that we are given that gift. We know about the good stuff taking place in their lives, or I should say, specifically, your life. And no, we're not looking down being 'celestial voyeurs.'" Mary's smirk turned into a full smile again.

"It's just those moments when you experience joy or peace; that sense of contentment, we feel that along with you. It's something we know and celebrate," she continued to explain.

Joss appeared to still have questions but the smile on her face was visible once more. She was trying to process what her friend told her.

At that moment, Joss's attention was drawn to the music she heard that seemed to be coming from every direction; above, below and on either side. It was as though she felt the music inside her; as if she could inhale and exhale it. She felt as though she was the music; a part of the movement of it, the pulse, beat, tone and rhythm of it encompassed her and emanated from her. Joss closed her eyes as she allowed herself to take in the experience. She felt as though she was a part of creation, a part of everything and everyone around her. She had never felt so loved and connected; so alive.

Mary and the rest of Joss's friends and family watched her, all smiling, as she was taking in this new experience. They all had been where she was at that moment.

When she heard a familiar baritone voice behind her, she slowly opened her eyes, but didn't move.

"Hey Jossie," her father said. She could hear the smile in his voice, but still couldn't believe what she was hearing.

The knot that normally formed between her eyebrows returned at the sound of the voice she hadn't heard in eleven years. Her eyes welled up with tears as she turned around.

"Daddy?"


	3. Sent Home

**Chapter 3 **

**Sent Home **

**A/N: The characters do not belong to me. **

**I've been so quick to post the first two chapters of the story I forgot to give a special thanks to SWWoman for the beta. I really do appreciate you and thank you for taking the time to do this for me. Thanks for your patience and even the little mini prompts for the story!**

**This is how I see the characters. They do not belong to me.**

**#JossCarterIsEternal**

Joss stood dumbfounded as she looked at her father. She was unable to move. Her father moved closer to her.

Joss repeated herself. "Daddy?" as her eyebrows furrowed and then rose as she saw him standing before her.

Her dad's dimpled smile grew as he watched her blink and try to comprehend that she was actually seeing her beloved father.

Joss was an unabashed daddy's girl. She was proud to call Jacob Fuller her father. He was her biggest cheerleader and he had taught her that she could do anything she put her mind to. She considered him her best friend and she could talk to him about things she wouldn't dare tell her mother. Jacob was good at keeping her secrets. They had shared monthly father-daughter breakfast dates when she was in college. Joss had been devastated when she received the call from her mother that he had died suddenly in his sleep in 2003.

She looked into Jacob's eyes and they mirrored hers; bright, brown orbs full of life and joy. Her dimples matched his as they both embraced each other. Joss's arms were around her father's back as his hug engulfed her. Jacob was a tall, sturdy man that had worked hard all of his adult life; a true family man that had loved his wife and daughter. His skin was chocolate and his hair was tight curls of salt and pepper. He stood at 6' and had broad shoulders. Jacob's hands were large and nearly covered his daughter's back as he remained in her embrace. His eyes were closed as he felt Joss's warm tears of joy.

Jacob wasn't perfect by any means but he loved life. He rarely went to church but Joss remembered watching him read his tattered bible that he inherited from his grandfather every once in a while. Jacob and her mother, Janice, taught and shaped Joss's values. They both believed in God and considered themselves Christians, but it was Joss's mother that took her to church on a weekly basis. Both parents taught her compassion for her fellow man. Jacob was exceptionally proud of the life Joss made for herself.

"Oh daddy, I've missed you so much," Joss told her father while she held onto him.

She held him almost in desperation and tightened her grip when he began to speak again.

"Jossie, I am so proud of you," Jacob said through a full smile.

They held onto each other for what seemed like a long while. The tears in Joss's eyes could not be contained any longer as they fell to her cheeks. She finally loosened the grip on her father and looked up into his warm face. She never felt as loved and protected as she did at that moment. She looked into his eyes but could not speak. Jacob gently wiped the tears from his daughter's cheeks, still smiling.

"It's okay baby. It's really me," her father said gently and kissed her on her cheek and then again on the top of her head. Jacob wrapped his arms around Joss once again and she was overcome with emotion. He merely held her and gave a deep chuckle.

"I'm fine honey. I'm happy and healthy," Jacob said as he stroked Joss's hair.

"I love you Jossie." he said, almost in a sing-song manner.

"I love you so much daddy," Joss replied.

Joss pulled out of her father's embrace and began wiping at her tears as she tried to compose herself. She was overwhelmed and Jacob understood. She was seeing loved ones that had been dead many years standing around her, healthy, strong and very much alive. She was hearing and experiencing music that filled her with unspeakable joy. As she and her father began to walk slowly away from the group she was taking in the sights – she saw colors she had never seen on earth, plants and flowers were illuminating light and were brilliant. Every part of creation was in perpetual praise. It was as if time was suspended as they walked and reminisced about old times and her life after Jacob died. As they were walking, Joss heard water running in a brook nearby but before she could make her way over it to it, her father took hold of her hand and stopped her.

His countenance had changed. It was still full of love but it was more serious.

"What's wrong daddy?"

She turned back toward the brook.

"Let's go to the brook," she said almost in a child-like manner.

Before Jacob could answer, Joss started to chuckle.

"Remember that time you took me fishing; I kept moving around and you almost fell out of the boat?"

Jacob couldn't help but smile at the memory. He placed Joss's hand in both of his.

"You never could sit still for too long. You've always been curious and getting into something. That's why I wasn't surprised that you enlisted in the army and became a detective."

"You've had some close calls Jossie," he said with a hint of concern and a furrowed eyebrow.

Joss still had to get used to her loved ones knowing what had gone on in her life after their deaths. It was as though they were picking up right where they left off before Jacob died. He knew about her purple heart, her promotion to detective, even how well his grandson, Taylor was doing in school.

Joss nodded in response to Jacob's statement. "I've had a few. Obviously wasn't my time I guess. But now…now that I'm here, to be surrounded by so much love, to literally feel God in everything and everyone, in the presence of the Creator of the entire universe…" she sounded excited.

"Daddy I am so happy to be here. To be here with you and everybody, this is heaven and there's no other place I'd want to be," she stated as she started tearing up once again.

Jacob continued holding her hand looking her directly in her eyes and sighed.

Joss sensed that her father had something to tell her and what had to be said was serious. Her eyebrows once again knitted across her face showed the concern she was beginning to feel.

"Daddy, what's wrong?"

* * *

><p>Dr. Meagan Tillman removed the bullets from John's left shoulder and right hip. She stabilized him and promised she would return once she was done with her shift at the hospital to check on him. In the meantime, she told Finch to keep her posted if there were any changes. Reese was sedated and hooked up to an IV and a heart monitor. A blood pressure cuff on his right arm monitored his blood pressure at regular intervals. John was weak and lost a lot of blood but he was alive. For that, Finch was grateful. Bear lay his head on his arm, and whined as he kept vigil by his master's side. Harold, as directed by the doctor, sat by John's bed to make sure his vitals remained normal.<p>

Finch was physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted. He rubbed away the tears that were welling up in his eyes. He was glad John was not awake to see his fatigue and his grief over the loss of his friend Joss. Three years ago, Finch would never have thought he and Joss would become friends, but upon further thought, that is exactly what happened.

Joss saved Harold's life only a year ago. Harold couldn't thank her enough and he was grateful beyond words. He knew she was loyal to his and Reese's cause, but to have her literally keep him from getting killed, that was a debt he could never repay. She was dead and there was nothing he could do about it. The guilt weighed on him and his body felt as if it was beginning to shut down from weariness. Finch's eyes began to well up with tears again as he moved from John's bedside to the plush reclining chair directly across the room. He could continue monitoring John from there. He sat and placed a jewel-toned afghan over himself as he swiped at the tears that had fallen down his face; once again relieved that John could not see this display of emotion. It was now his turn to inhale raggedly as he felt he had let both of his friends down.

* * *

><p>Fusco was still in the hospital's ER waiting to hear about Joss's status. Did she make it by some divine intervention? Was she already dead and he had yet to hear? What the hell was going on? He had the dreaded feeling he already knew the answer and the longer he didn't hear anything, the more worried he became. Waiting to hear something, anything, was maddening. Lionel paced the long hallway; he couldn't bring himself to sit. He found himself perspiring and caught himself, more than once, raking his thick fingers through his curly, dark hair. His hand was trembling. Forcing himself to breathe, he inhaled deeply and slowly released the air that filled his lungs. He hated the smell of hospitals; disinfectant mixed with the odor of bleach and death. He stopped pacing long enough to shut his eyes and inhaled again. He hated hearing the incessant beeping of machines in patients' rooms keeping a close vigil of those unfortunate souls suffering. Just for a brief moment he wanted to gag but was able to breathe in yet again to calm the queasiness that was trying to overtake him.<p>

Lionel was exposed to death all day, every day. This was nothing new to him. He had lost friends on the force, far too many than he'd want to remember. Even though he had been in this place before, had lost fellow comrades over the years, this was somehow different. Yet, here he was, praying that the one person he admitted had been a positive influence in his life would be alright; that somehow, she would survive a bullet ripping through her chest. He knew it was far-fetched; but he hoped anyway.

He remembered the way Carter had been closed off to him when they first became partners. He thought back to when they were working the Ronny Milton case; he had asked for her first name and she told him it was "Detective." He chuckled as he remembered that and the other times she'd bust his balls. She had been suspicious of him and had every right to be. He was dirty. He was working with HR and saw that Carter was a "goody-two-shoes" that could get in the way. He was suspicious of her and at one point considered her expendable to the team. In the beginning, he couldn't understand why Reese had taken such a liking to her and even threatened Fusco if harm ever came to her. It wasn't until later, when he and Joss became friends, that he understood John's fervency. Fusco would do almost anything to protect his partner. She made him want to be a better cop, just as she made John want to be a better man. She made anyone around her want to be better. Now, the best part of them, the best part of their team, was helpless and fighting for her life.

* * *

><p>"You went through a lot with that young man, John," Jacob said to his daughter. "Hmmm, I guess your mother and I did an okay job with you," he said with a quick wink.<p>

Joss blushed and her dimples appeared again. "You two did alright," she responded with a grin.

Joss rubbed an eyebrow and began to ask her dad how he knew about John but remembered what Mary said earlier. She figured that John being a part of her life was considered a good thing. At least she thought it was. The blush remained on her face.

Jacob became serious again.

"What does the Word say, 'Greater love has no one… than to lay down one's life for his friends?' And you did that for your friend Joss. You literally stepped in front of John and took that bullet so he wouldn't die. You gave up your life for him."

"Daddy, I just couldn't stand there and let him die in front of me," Joss returned. "He's my friend."

"He's more than just a friend Jossie, and you know that," Jacob responded. "You haven't been honest with yourself about your feelings for him and I suspect he's been the same way about you."

Joss didn't respond although she wanted to. She knew her father was right John was more than "just a friend." She continued to take in the music and colors around her. She inhaled deeply as she smiled, thinking about what her father just said about her and John. As brave as they both were, both soldiers fighting in war and now fighting in the streets of New York, they were both too afraid to face their feelings for each other.

Jacob and Joss began to slowly walk again.

Several feet away, Joss noticed a woman standing facing her. They walked toward her. The woman was blonde with curly hair that landed between her shoulders. Her eyes were blue and she had a lovely smile. Joss recognized her as she came closer to her; from a photo she'd had for almost a year. The woman now standing in front of her was Jessica, John's ex-girlfriend. Joss was taken aback when she called her name. Something else she realized at that moment, she knew it was Jessica although this was her first time ever meeting her.

"Jocelyn," Jessica said.

"Jessica?" Joss responded.

Jessica merely shook her head in affirmation and continued to smile warmly at Joss.

Jessica was radiant as was everyone Joss had seen in this place. She looked peaceful and full of joy. Joss considered the violent way she died and stood before her without a word. She returned Jessica's smile but a look of confusion soon followed.

Joss echoed her earlier sentiment. "What's going on?" Joss asked wondering why she was meeting Jessica. She did not know her personally although she knew that Jessica and John had a brief but torrid love affair and meant a great deal to each other.

Jacob touched his daughter's chin to turn her toward him.

"Jossie, I have something to tell you," he said.

"It's not your time yet. You didn't come here to stay, baby. Father has more work for you to do and you have to go back," he said with a twinge of pain in his eyes.

"Work to do?" Joss questioned. "What do you mean? After I have seen what I've seen, experienced all I have here and I'm supposed to go back to that?" she said with a grimace.

Words failed her at that moment. She shook her head. Compared to this place, this paradise, earth was hell in her opinion and she definitely did not want to go back there. Even Joss's fierce love for her son Taylor could not change her mind about wanting to return home. This declaration from her dad almost felt like a punishment to her.

Jacob took that moment to explain further.

"Joss, Jessica is here to ask you something," he said, looking up at Jessica.

"Jocelyn, will you let John know that I'm okay. Please let him know that I'm fine and I don't blame him for anything. I know he lost his way when he found out I died."

Jessica's eyes drifted down for a second and then lifted to meet with Jocelyn's dark eyes.

"I just want him to live his life and be happy. No more guilt for something he had no control over. We both made our choices. John has let my death hang over his head long enough. _It…was…not…his…fault_."

Jessica's smile appeared again. "I know he's happy when he is working on his purpose, and when he is with you."

Joss gasped at the latter revelation. Her eyes began to well up once again.

A man walked up to them and stood next to Jessica at that moment. His face was warm and he too wore a peaceful smile. He spoke before Joss could recover from what Jessica said.

"Hello Joss. My name is Nathan," he said.

Inexplicably, Joss understood that this was a dear friend and old colleague of Finch's. She did not understand how she knew him; all she knew was that she did. Nathan Ingram was someone that Harold had come to rely on, care for and knew for many years. They were friends. He stood before her, dark, sandy blonde hair, handsome and strong. Joss knew he was killed in a deadly explosion because he helped create the very computer that assisted them in saving other people's lives and now he was there in front of her, healthy and alive. Joss's mouth opened but no words would come.

"Would you let Harold know that he did the right thing in creating the Machine; _we_ did the right thing? Let him know that he can't blame himself because he lived while I died. Let him know that my soul is well Jocelyn; I'm well and that I am proud to have worked with him," Nathan said.

At this point Jacob interjected. "Baby, you have to go back home and give John and Harold these messages. Both of them need to know that their mission is not in vain. They need to let go of the guilt that's been weighing them down for so many years. They need to know that this place is real and there are people here that love them and are proud of them."

Jocelyn's mind was racing. She needed to make them understand that this was not what she wanted to do. She had to let them know she was not the one to go back with these messages. As noble as it would be, she couldn't go back. She had to convince her father, Jessica and Nathan that she did not want to go back – that she was not going to go back. Joss convinced herself that John and Harold and her family and friends would be just fine without her. Taylor would grow up to be a successful young man and have a family of his own. His dad, Paul, would pick up where she left off and do a great job at raising him. Yes. Everyone would be fine. She and John had no time to focus on anything more than a friendship. Although she may miss the possibility of a deeper, more intimate relationship with him, he would find someone to make him happy. No. She refused to accept this charge. God could not be so cruel as to let her enter paradise, to experience His light, His love, His very presence just to send her back.

"I'm sorry but I can't," Joss's voice was wavering as she looked up at Jessica, Nathan and her dad shaking her head.

She knew they would understand. They may be disappointed that she would not go back on their behalf, but they would understand.

"Jossie," her dad said while cupping her cheek.

Jessica and Nathan's smiles had lessened and they got a look of concern in their eyes. Joss was right; they did understand why she didn't want to go back. They held no animosity toward her for refusing her new-found purpose.

A tear escaped from her eye as she bit her bottom lip trying to suppress the anxiety and sadness that were trying to overtake her. She continued to shake her head no. She looked up at her father.

"I'm sorry daddy, but I'm not going back there. How can you ask me to do that? Um, um…no."

Joss was so childlike at that moment and Jacob wanted nothing more than to hold her in an embrace once again, just as he did when she needed comforting when she was a little girl.

"Honey, it is not your time yet," he said sternly, while placing his hands on her shoulders trying to steady her as she placed weight on one foot and then the other, rocking back and forth.

Joss looked down and closed her eyes. "No," is all she could get out as the tears flowed in a steady stream down her face.

"It's going to be alright, you're going to be alright baby," Jacob tried to reassure her.

"You're not going back there alone; you will have all of us with you."

Joss looked up at her father at that moment. She knew that she was fighting against something she had no power over. Her brows once again knitted together, and he could see she was spiritually and emotionally hurting. But, Jacob knew his daughter. She followed the rules, she was always by the book and she would do as she was sent to do. He sensed that this was either going to make or break her. He had faith in God and in his daughter that she would make it through the biggest challenge she would ever face.

"I love you baby," Jacob told his daughter.

* * *

><p>The ER surgeon looked at the monitor in astonishment. She couldn't believe that just as she was about to call the time of death, the beeping began.<p>

"We got her back!" Dr. Madeleine Enright yelled as she and the nurses frantically worked on removing the bullet and repairing the damage left in its wake.

Months later, Dr. Enright would present her case to colleagues and she would admit that there was no other conclusion except that it was a miracle that Detective Carter was still alive. Little did she know how true that statement was.


End file.
